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Welcome to our collection of famous inspirational quotes from people throughout history, from all corners of the globe and from all walks of life. You can post these famous inspirational quotes quickly and easily to your own website or even use them on your Myspace, Friendster or Facebook profile. Get inspired or inspire others by sending them these inspirational quotes via email. Please enjoy your stay.

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"If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, 'You know what will save the world You're"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and h"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad Treasure chests with no handles. How t"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I'd rather be rich than stupid."
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't th"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little basket-beds"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years,"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun at me, le"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at the Marineland"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity 'happen.'"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If doctors ever tell you that you've 'flipped out,' don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because some"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of porno"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, 'Injection I thou"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you."
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, 'Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship.' Oh, also I wish my last name was Bla"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little bl"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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